Caring Civilizes and Redeems Conflict

“Now if your experience of Christ’s encouragement and love means anything to you, if you have known something of the fellowship of his Spirit, and all that it means in kindness and deep sympathy, do make my best hope for you come true! Live together in harmony, live together in love, as though you had only one mind and one spirit between you. Never act from motives of rivalry or personal vanity, but in humility think more of each other than you do of yourselves. None of you should think only of his own affairs, but should learn to see things from other people’s point of view”—Philippians 2:1-4, J.B. Phillips New Testament (PHILLIPS).

This Pauline passage encourages us to be loving, humble, and united as Christ-followers. Though these are excellent ways to act toward each other, conflicts do arise between us as believers. The question then is, “What should we do during conflict situations?” In other words, “Should we stop caring when conflict intensifies?” One of the books, I read for “Personal Issues in Pastoral Ministry,” class, gives a great response that shows the role of care during conflict times:

“Conflict unaccompanied by caring is usually destructive. Conflict accompanied by caring can produce dramatic results of improved conditions and healed relationships. Conflict needs caring the way ammunition needs a cool head, the way a rushing river needs a dam, the way a powerful locomotive needs a track. The arrival of conflict should not signal the departure of caring. Caring civilizes and redeems conflict.” (Huttenlocker, 1988, p. 7).

Jesus is the greatest example for us when it comes to preventing, managing, and resolving conflict. When He clashes with the religious leaders of His day about working on the Sabbath or equating Himself with the Father (cf. John 10:30), Jesus elevates His care toward them. In His interaction with them, we see Jesus’ dynamic display of a superabundance of care toward those who hated Him and wished Him harm. Even at the cross, He prays for His enemies: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" (Luke 23:34, NIV). Likewise, we should continue to care for those who disagree with us and by doing so, we are leaving an open door for dialogue.

Acts 15:36-41 records a conflict that Paul and Barnabas have with each other over John Mark. Consequently, the two leaders choose to agree to disagree. The rift between them comes about because of the different views they have regarding how to deal with the failures of others. Barnabas patiently encourages others whereas Paul is rather impatient and acts in a rather dismissive way. In this instance, Barnabas “wants to give John Mark another chance and he wants to do it now. [But] Paul disagrees. The disagreement is so deep that it cannot be resolved, and these veterans whose friendship goes back at least 15 years…part company” (Piper, 1987, online article reference below).

Though Paul and Barnabas go their separate ways, what happens later in their lives and ministries is indeed encouraging. Paul makes this request to Timothy, his son in the faith: “Bring [John] Mark with you when you come, for he will be helpful to me in my ministry” (2 Timothy 4:11, NLT). What triggers this request might be a change of attitude in Paul’s life as a leader or it is possible that John Mark changed or proved himself and Paul saw him as an asset rather than a liability. Either way, Paul decides to give John Mark a chance. On one hand, Paul cares enough not to let the conflict he had with Barnabas over John Mark to define how he treats others. On the other hand, Barnabas works with John Mark and helps him as a leader and the investment he makes pays off in the end.

In summary, we must heighten our caring during times of conflict. This gesture is in keeping with what has already been noted, "caring civilizes and redeems conflict.” Amen!

References:

Huttenlocker, Keith (1988) Conflict and caring: Preventing, managing and resolving conflict in the Church. Newburgh, IN: Trinity Press.

Piper, John (1987) Barnabas: The weakness of a great leader. Retrieved from: http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/barnabas-the-weakness-of-a-great-leader